It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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