A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
