Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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