i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
