I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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