I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
