My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
