i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
