Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
