you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
