There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
