ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
