2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
