i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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