In the future we'll all be gay
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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