is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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