he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
