@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
