Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
