From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
