So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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