I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Floor bacon is actually really good
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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