i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
