guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
