Don't you send me to vm
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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