I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
