OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
