my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
