Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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