Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You may now shotgun with the bride
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
