Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
