She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
