Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
