hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
