i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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