So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
