i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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