i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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