Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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