One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
