you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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