what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
