you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
