Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
