bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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