You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize