i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
