my vag is so smooth its legendary
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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