The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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