Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
