I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
