guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
