jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
