Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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