"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
