I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
