He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
