So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
