Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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