Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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