he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
