I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
