So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
