I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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